he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
