My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize