from now on my penis is your penis
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
