this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
