A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
