she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
