I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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