I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
from now on my penis is your penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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