Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is Oprah even human
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
