Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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