3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
