6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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