Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
