just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
