she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
