Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
