I got chris browned last night
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
