watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
