Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
