Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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