We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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