They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
