I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
