I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
