She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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