i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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