I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
