i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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