I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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