this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
