She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
