I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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