Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
