i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
