She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
