I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
