nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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