at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
