I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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