im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
