i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize