What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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