three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
