Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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