There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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