so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
