no one should ever give us hovercrafts
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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