I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
