tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
