I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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