Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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