Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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