Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize