He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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