Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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