i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
someone owes me an orgasm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
