I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
