I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
