I want to make a zoo with you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
