His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
