you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
