Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
