My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
