please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
