I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
