I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
