i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
