"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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