Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
