your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
