Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
